As I write this, I think abot the past week and how incredibly hard it has been, but how much God has met each one of us. I think for me its been particularly hard because I think for the first time, I'm allowing myself to witness and feel the pain of how far we've come from Eden and not immediately close myself off to it.
That said, I had a rather unexpected encounter Wednesday night. I was heading to meet a student and as I came down the subway stairs, I saw a girl who appeared to be homeless and was shaking. I interpreted the shaking to mean she might be on some sort of high or coming off of one. I smiled at her, but in my stupidly normal fashion of keeping my destination in mind, walked pass. As I passed her, I heard her quietly say under her breath, "Someone, please help me." I was torn, knowing that I greatly desired to meet up with this student, but also knowing that I had no money on me and with all the homeless in New York, I questioned myself, how do you know when to stop?
I continued on through the turnstyle and immediately was convicted by the Spirit that I needed to turn around. I argued with God and said, "I'm going to be late, what can I do". It's not that I haven't had experiences with the homeless. I spent a summer working in inner city Chicago and working at Georgia State means every day being confronted by and working with the homeless. But I was exhausted and plainly not following God in the moment. After arguing for a few seconds, I decided to make a u-turn and see if she was still there through the bars by the turnstyles. (If I were to leave the station, I wouldn't be able to use my metro card for another 20 minutes, which plainly meant I would never make it to my destination). I didn't see her, so I turned to catch my train.
Immediately I heard God practically screaming, "You need to go back!" Rather huffily in my mind I said, "FINE." As I headed up the stairs, I saw her still there. I walked up and asked if she'd like to get something to eat. She heartily said yes. We headed up the stairs and across the street to McDonald's. As we waited in line at McDonald's, I asked her her name. She shared that it was Shamekka. I told her that that was a beautiful name and she turned and looked at me so piercingly and said, "for a minute, I'd forgotten and thought my name was dog." As she said this she explained that people had been throwing change at her, accusing her of being a junkie, and calling her names. I assume that's why she was shaking as I walked past, because she was completely lucid.
God immediately brought to mind the name of one of my students, Laura, and I called her to come down and have dinner with us. Shamekka was so excited to have a coffee. She said that that was one of the things she really missed and I could see such joy over something so small. As we ate, she shared non-stop her story. It took everything I had not to bawl my eyes out right there on the spot. She's 19 and has been on the streets for only 3 months. If you were to make a list of the horrible acts that could be perpetrated on someone save murder, she's experienced them all...violated in so many ways.
Just two years ago, she had an opportunity to attend Florida State University, but left the financial aid paperwork up to her father, with whom she doesn't have the greatest relationship. He also has a problem with addiction. He didn't fill it out and she didn't discover it in time. As I listened, I learned so much about how its so easy for these young kids to end up on the streets. Her arms speak of knife wounds inflicted in a homeless shelter. Her forehead shows the remaining bruises and bumps of an attack not long ago that left her unconscious on the ground until someone called for help. Though I heard sadness and so much anger in her voice, I also heard her saying over and over again for two hours how much God provides for her every day. She shared of the blessings and miracles that she's experienced that have fed her and encouraged her over the last few months.
She spoke so much and shared of her need for human conversation and interaction, that it had been so long since anybody had really talked with her, had really listened to her, had really hugged her. As I sat hear, I looked for opportunities to find out where she was in her spiritual journey and to steer the conversation towards the hope found in Christ. As we talked more, I found out that she comes from a Baptist background and that she believes as she put it, in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. She said over and over again that she wants peace of mind, but needed so much to talk that I could barely get a word in edgewise. So instead, I asked her what we could pray for her about. She gladly answered, and you can pray with us that God would provide these things for her.
1. That she would know whether or not her father really cares for her.
2. That she would find out what happened to her mother and meet her at least once.
3. That she would get the $70 dollars she needs for a room.
4. She wants a job, particularly one with computers and designing websites.
5. She would like a laptop as well as she loves working with computers.
6. Pray for SAFETY. Pray that God would protect her.
As I was praying through these things with her and Laura, God brought to mind that I could pray through the Gospel and that would be a way of sharing His good news with her. He totally brought the words to mind. When we were done praying, she had tears in her eyes and so did Laura and I. I found that I had a card for the church we've been attending, Origins Church, in my bag. God led me to invite her to come to church with us and her eyes absolutely LIT UP. She exclaimed quite loudly, "Oh I would love to go to church and to have friends to go with!" Pray that she does show up and that God would protect her. We're going to meet her by the subway stop at 9:30 am on Sunday. Pray that the message would impact her and that the church would be able to help her out.
We had the opportunity to take her shopping for some toiletries and snacks and talked some more. She was like a kid in a candy store. Laura at one point had run up to the apartment and gotten her a Bible, which she absolutely loved and kept exclaiming over it. We headed to the train station because she thought she might be able to stay somewhere up north for the night. She gave us huge hugs and kept encouraging us and exclaiming over how much she loved us. We swiped her through to the subway and she came back to the bars that separated the turnstyles and put her hand through and just wanted to hold our hands and thank us again. At this point Laura and I were practically about to weep. Shamekka didn't want to let go, we didn't want to either, but we knew that it was time to part ways. As she walked away she told us she loved us and would see us soon.
As I sit here and write this, I am about to weep again over the goodness of God for letting me experience that even though I turned away at first. I could have missed out on such an amazing conversation, an amazing woman, a life-defining experience if not for Him. I found out later that night that my roommate Julie had been rushing to get on the train the past week and had seen Shameka and given her a few dollars. As she walked away, she prayed that someone would be able to engage with her and share with her God's truth. Little did any of us know what God would have in store.
But, once again, back to the beginning of my post. I am so torn up inside now when I think about how far we've come from Eden. A place where man was in right relationship with God. He walked with God, there was no death, no murder, no hunger, no pollution, no rape, no abuse, no violence, and no war. Yet, the act of rebellion has completely broken up what it means to be made in the image of God. All of us were created that way, all of us have in some way a reflection of God, but its as if we're looking in a shattered mirror. My heart breaks that I can't bind up every wound, that I can't provide a house for every homeless person I meet. I am shattered that men and women could go for days, weeks, months, even years without having a conversation with another human being. I am angry that the Church isn't doing more. I am angry at myself for walking away sometimes and thinking my time is more valuable than a human life.
If anything, this experience has shown me how to begin to love with God's love, how to have compassion, how to accept that I'm not perfect, but that in my weakness, He is.
My sin, Oh the bliss of this glorious thought. My sin, not in part, but the whole is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. PRAISE THE LORD, PRAISE THE LORD OH MY SOUL.
That said, I had a rather unexpected encounter Wednesday night. I was heading to meet a student and as I came down the subway stairs, I saw a girl who appeared to be homeless and was shaking. I interpreted the shaking to mean she might be on some sort of high or coming off of one. I smiled at her, but in my stupidly normal fashion of keeping my destination in mind, walked pass. As I passed her, I heard her quietly say under her breath, "Someone, please help me." I was torn, knowing that I greatly desired to meet up with this student, but also knowing that I had no money on me and with all the homeless in New York, I questioned myself, how do you know when to stop?
I continued on through the turnstyle and immediately was convicted by the Spirit that I needed to turn around. I argued with God and said, "I'm going to be late, what can I do". It's not that I haven't had experiences with the homeless. I spent a summer working in inner city Chicago and working at Georgia State means every day being confronted by and working with the homeless. But I was exhausted and plainly not following God in the moment. After arguing for a few seconds, I decided to make a u-turn and see if she was still there through the bars by the turnstyles. (If I were to leave the station, I wouldn't be able to use my metro card for another 20 minutes, which plainly meant I would never make it to my destination). I didn't see her, so I turned to catch my train.
Immediately I heard God practically screaming, "You need to go back!" Rather huffily in my mind I said, "FINE." As I headed up the stairs, I saw her still there. I walked up and asked if she'd like to get something to eat. She heartily said yes. We headed up the stairs and across the street to McDonald's. As we waited in line at McDonald's, I asked her her name. She shared that it was Shamekka. I told her that that was a beautiful name and she turned and looked at me so piercingly and said, "for a minute, I'd forgotten and thought my name was dog." As she said this she explained that people had been throwing change at her, accusing her of being a junkie, and calling her names. I assume that's why she was shaking as I walked past, because she was completely lucid.
God immediately brought to mind the name of one of my students, Laura, and I called her to come down and have dinner with us. Shamekka was so excited to have a coffee. She said that that was one of the things she really missed and I could see such joy over something so small. As we ate, she shared non-stop her story. It took everything I had not to bawl my eyes out right there on the spot. She's 19 and has been on the streets for only 3 months. If you were to make a list of the horrible acts that could be perpetrated on someone save murder, she's experienced them all...violated in so many ways.
Just two years ago, she had an opportunity to attend Florida State University, but left the financial aid paperwork up to her father, with whom she doesn't have the greatest relationship. He also has a problem with addiction. He didn't fill it out and she didn't discover it in time. As I listened, I learned so much about how its so easy for these young kids to end up on the streets. Her arms speak of knife wounds inflicted in a homeless shelter. Her forehead shows the remaining bruises and bumps of an attack not long ago that left her unconscious on the ground until someone called for help. Though I heard sadness and so much anger in her voice, I also heard her saying over and over again for two hours how much God provides for her every day. She shared of the blessings and miracles that she's experienced that have fed her and encouraged her over the last few months.
She spoke so much and shared of her need for human conversation and interaction, that it had been so long since anybody had really talked with her, had really listened to her, had really hugged her. As I sat hear, I looked for opportunities to find out where she was in her spiritual journey and to steer the conversation towards the hope found in Christ. As we talked more, I found out that she comes from a Baptist background and that she believes as she put it, in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. She said over and over again that she wants peace of mind, but needed so much to talk that I could barely get a word in edgewise. So instead, I asked her what we could pray for her about. She gladly answered, and you can pray with us that God would provide these things for her.
1. That she would know whether or not her father really cares for her.
2. That she would find out what happened to her mother and meet her at least once.
3. That she would get the $70 dollars she needs for a room.
4. She wants a job, particularly one with computers and designing websites.
5. She would like a laptop as well as she loves working with computers.
6. Pray for SAFETY. Pray that God would protect her.
As I was praying through these things with her and Laura, God brought to mind that I could pray through the Gospel and that would be a way of sharing His good news with her. He totally brought the words to mind. When we were done praying, she had tears in her eyes and so did Laura and I. I found that I had a card for the church we've been attending, Origins Church, in my bag. God led me to invite her to come to church with us and her eyes absolutely LIT UP. She exclaimed quite loudly, "Oh I would love to go to church and to have friends to go with!" Pray that she does show up and that God would protect her. We're going to meet her by the subway stop at 9:30 am on Sunday. Pray that the message would impact her and that the church would be able to help her out.
We had the opportunity to take her shopping for some toiletries and snacks and talked some more. She was like a kid in a candy store. Laura at one point had run up to the apartment and gotten her a Bible, which she absolutely loved and kept exclaiming over it. We headed to the train station because she thought she might be able to stay somewhere up north for the night. She gave us huge hugs and kept encouraging us and exclaiming over how much she loved us. We swiped her through to the subway and she came back to the bars that separated the turnstyles and put her hand through and just wanted to hold our hands and thank us again. At this point Laura and I were practically about to weep. Shamekka didn't want to let go, we didn't want to either, but we knew that it was time to part ways. As she walked away she told us she loved us and would see us soon.
As I sit here and write this, I am about to weep again over the goodness of God for letting me experience that even though I turned away at first. I could have missed out on such an amazing conversation, an amazing woman, a life-defining experience if not for Him. I found out later that night that my roommate Julie had been rushing to get on the train the past week and had seen Shameka and given her a few dollars. As she walked away, she prayed that someone would be able to engage with her and share with her God's truth. Little did any of us know what God would have in store.
But, once again, back to the beginning of my post. I am so torn up inside now when I think about how far we've come from Eden. A place where man was in right relationship with God. He walked with God, there was no death, no murder, no hunger, no pollution, no rape, no abuse, no violence, and no war. Yet, the act of rebellion has completely broken up what it means to be made in the image of God. All of us were created that way, all of us have in some way a reflection of God, but its as if we're looking in a shattered mirror. My heart breaks that I can't bind up every wound, that I can't provide a house for every homeless person I meet. I am shattered that men and women could go for days, weeks, months, even years without having a conversation with another human being. I am angry that the Church isn't doing more. I am angry at myself for walking away sometimes and thinking my time is more valuable than a human life.
If anything, this experience has shown me how to begin to love with God's love, how to have compassion, how to accept that I'm not perfect, but that in my weakness, He is.
My sin, Oh the bliss of this glorious thought. My sin, not in part, but the whole is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. PRAISE THE LORD, PRAISE THE LORD OH MY SOUL.
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